this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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