Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
