Jerry, you need to find god
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's get the cat blown out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
