Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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