R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
