he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
