it hurts more in the daytime
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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