i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
