I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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