Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
