Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
