i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
