white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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