He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
