I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
