There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
