Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
