Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
