Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
