Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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