remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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