I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
