margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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