my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
