What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
