I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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