i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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