I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
