My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
