If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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