I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
