I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
