OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Less talking, more tequila
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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