At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
