hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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