i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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