No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
