my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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