fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
