ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
