i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
