i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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