i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
