Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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