my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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