she woke up with a sticky ear
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
