please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There r osticjed everywhere
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
