I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
