Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
