my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
