90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
