I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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