His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
