I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My cat gives me a boner
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
